Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
