So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
