FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
