I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
