He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
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