I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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