I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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