Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
