you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
