the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
