You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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