the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
