I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
