my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
