Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
