At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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