The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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