you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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