I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
