Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
