HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
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