I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
