just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
