oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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