Your mouth is God's brothel.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
