community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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