Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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