Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
