Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
