Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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