guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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