Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
