things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
