I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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