A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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