so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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