Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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