Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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