i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
