so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
