the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Randomize
