I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
