Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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