I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
