it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
