i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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