Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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