I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
