dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
