im about as happy as oj after his trial
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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