Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
