i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
