She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
