I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
