I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
