$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
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