i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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