theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
